The Times Of My Life, Squared.

I am sorry for the mammoth of a break I took this past month… I was actually preoccupied with my first ever trip to the US and completely freaked out in New York City. Times Square is truly one of the most fantastical sites on the planet and I couldn’t help but gasp at its epic, dramatic and sharp beauty. It is also by the way the site Alicia Keys shot her scenes in Jay-Z’s ‘Empire State of Mind’. I was actually listening to the song while landing in NYC and it created excitement, fear and enthrallment in me, all at the same time.

So much has happened since I last wrote and article and let me give you a gist of some of the things that have occurred:

First of all I got back to the dreary life of school and never-ending revision and tests because, hooray, my exams start tomorrow. As a student doing her very first exam in a new school I must prepare to impress or get grounded. So with the fear of not seeing my boyfriend again for a month driving me on, I am definitely on the ‘impress’ road.

The second interesting thing was that I turned eighteen on the 15th of November [just this last Monday]. Everyone has the idea that because its you 18th birthday, you should have a really rocking time and lots fun, party with your friends and freak out, cos yay you can finally drive, vote, and get married. I haven’t done ANY of the above because not only did I wake up in the morning with the feeling that my birthday was going to suck… it actually DID! After having the worst birthday ever and that too my 18th turning out so lousy and not the way I planned, I decided to just go home and have a good cry cos hey, no one had the time to spend with me on my birthday, right? If it’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that you can’t rely on anybody else to have a good time. I can’t put my trust in people because they end up smashing it into smithereens just for the sake of selfishness, and I’m not just saying it because I had a lousy birthday. I’m saying it because in this life there is no one you can trust unconditionally except family. Because my family were the ones who had an Italian dinner, an ice-cream cake and African red wine waiting for me at home. It was my family who wouldn’t let me shed a tear. And it was also all my friends who called, texted and gave me the hugs and support and the little outing to McDonald’s and Birdy’s that made it hurt less.

The FINAL thing that happened since I last wrote here is big. No, its positively massive! Its HUMONGOUS! Its going to shock, stupefy, stun, numb, excite, delight, maybe irritate or slightly anger you. You know its so huge and life-changing, that I might as well just say it because I have no more words to hold you in suspense…


And not just any old pattern from a musty old book with photographs/stencils of lame old butterflies, skulls, snakes and hearts. No, I got myself something that has been important to me for the past five years. I got Tokio Hotel’s insignia, the ‘TH’ in a circle, tattooed onto the back of my neck, just like lead singer and idol, BILL KAULITZ. :) Since everyone asks me ‘Why?’ let me tell you with the words written down, without you arguing your ass of and trying to make me see ‘reason’. Let me tell you the story of ‘Why’.

My Tattoo

My words get caught while coming out of my mouth and turn upside down and round and round so that I can’t convey to you exactly what I feel. So I’m writing it to you because I know my power as a writer is great and no matter how hard you try you cannot escape the grip of my words. You see this is where the hunter becomes the hunted.

There is nothing more suitable to be my first tattoo than the TH symbol, because it represents my love for Tokio Hotel and their music, my love for my idol and inspiration Bill Kaulitz and his life-saver of a smile, my intense relationship with music and its artists and my love for art itself as the symbol combines music art and inspiration all together. Not to mention the fact that I’m insane. :)

People have asked my ‘Why Tokio Hotel? There are better bands around.’ and I feel like saying ‘Why did God make you who you are and not somebody else?’ Because in the end its the same thing, isn’t it? You are asking me to identify myself to you and to justify my identification, which is unethical and not your place. If you don’t already know why, it’s because you don’t know me, so don’t go on asking for justification and the endless seas of ‘Why?’. For my friends who have known me for years or even for a little while, the reason should be clear and most of you know exactly why I got it. If it’s a question of liking the tattoo 20 years from today and not regretting it, don’t worry because it’s not on your body, is it? I chose this tattoo because it will forever represent on my body what Tokio Hotel were, who they are now, what they will become, and their metamorphic journey through music. I have grown up with them, shared my love, my hatred, cried my sorrows and screamed my frustrations all the while their music channeled energy into me. It represents the fact that I am who I am partly because of them and partly because of the people who are in my life. It is a symbol of my individuality and uniformity with other fans who also have this tattoo. We are a global team, I think, and understand what this band means to us.

So there you have it folks, the big things that happened since I last wrote on MHB. I know I’m a psycho, so you needn’t point out the obvious!

Now on to business:

My latest obsession in with My Chemical Romance’s single ‘SING’. It awakens an animal part of me. Not an animal who wants to attack and kill but rather an animal who stalks through the night, howling to the full moon and just reveling the feeling of being free. Yes I must admit it, it is slightly more mainstream than what MCR have come up with previously, but it doesn’t stop the track from being beautiful. Quite the contrary. You really feel like you want to ‘sing it from the heart’, where ‘it’ is your freedom, your expression, your identity and your place on this earth. The techno vibes coupled with the short, brisk piano strokes simply bring the harsh realties and dangers of life into perspective. The video isn’t quite what I expected with the band going all out in a laser-gun duel with guys in masks all to save a little kid… Err… I actually craved more drama in the video, because the only part that hit me hard was the part where Gerard Way is grabbed, pushed up against a wall, and shot. Being a huge Way fan, I freaked out. In a bad way. :S

Another big hit with me is a single Linkin Park have come up with ‘Waiting For the End’. It’s very dream-like and similar to ‘Leave Out All the Rest’ from their previous studio album,  ‘Minutes To Midnight’. I loved the intensity of the lyrics ‘This is not the end, this not the beginning’ and ‘so many things were left unsaid, its hard to let you go.’ Very emotional and in pain. I almost imagine a very painful dance between two lovers taking place… Or rather a very intense story unfolding from within the petals of the flower of hope. Something is SO haunting about this song that it makes you think about the mistakes you have made and what you would do to reverse them, at the same time it reminds you not to lose yourself in them. Simply beautiful, the video is striking and very in-sync with the dreamy-ness of the song. My favourite part about the song is the guitar solo from 3:06-3:14. Soul-stirring indeed. A definite tune for any playlist, its heartbreakingly beautiful. :’)

Here’s a link to the video for ‘SING’ by MCR—>

Here’s a link to Linkin Park’s ‘Waiting for the End’—>


One Comment Add yours

  1. yaante de cox says:

    this blog is awesome ! xD way to go ridz ~ \m/

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